Housework is Dangerous!

I know people have said "I hate housework".  But have you ever heard someone say that "Housework is dangerous"?  I'm not even being sarcastic, as a legally blind person it can get dangerous!

For example, my #1 enemy - the vacuum.  This contraption that's saved many housewives time and energy actually causes dread in me. Thoughts of "what am I going to break today with this" or "what am I going to suck up now" fill my mind as I drag the old Tri Star out.
Yeah I have an old vacuum but it's the only one I've found that can take the beating I give it every week and still live. (Well currently it's out of commission because the rollerhead plug cord is frayed - anyone know how to rewire a plug let me know).
I've tried the newer models, uprights and bagless etc. But they don't last long in the hands of a blind lady.  It was no fun that after my weekly vacuuming I've got to get on the floor with the vacuum and either unclog the pipe of legos, army men, coins, a pencil, or dog hair; or replace a snapped belt because I sucked up a sock, shoelaces, a beach towel and almost ruined Christmas one year when I almost started sucking up the garland on the tree.
There is no peaceful hum of a vacuum here. Take a bag of coins and throw it into a woodchipper - that's what my house sounds like, that or it sounds like a motor gagging and puking. (For lack of better words).

"Well why don't you just go all hardwood and tile? Then you won't need a vacuum." Excellent suggestion....'cept I have problems sweeping too!!
I try to sweep my kitchen every day (keyword "try"). After finishing sweeping on most days, I'd be getting something and drop a lid, spoon, whatever, and being legally blind - once it hits the floor it's "lost". So I'd get on my hands and knees and start doing the patting around for it. Since I'm now a foot away from the floor I notice all the dust, wrappers, hair I'd miss with the broom earlier "Holy Crap!"

Well just yesterday sweeping almost took a lethal turn on me. I was sweeping and noticed the trail of hair clump on the end of the broom (that never shakes off). So I lifted the broom up to pull it off, stuck the handle into the ceiling fan which was on full speed, the fan swung the handle around and slapped me hard on the side of the head! Took a while for the flying stars to dissipate and for me to remember where I was.

Cleaning the bathroom can get dangerous (and expensive). I usually run a hot shallow bath and dump bleach in to get rid of the mildew collecting under the rubber mat. Well I had forgotten the big bottle of bleach up against the side of the tub, got up on the rim of the tub to replace the shower liner. After I was done, I stepped down right on top of the bottle. The pent up force blew the lid off shooting bleach across the bathroom (like mentos in a soda bottle) all over the opposite wall and towel rack. I think it took 3 coats of fresh paint to cover the stain and 3 new towels.

I wish I'd win the lottery so I can just hire someone to do this dangerous work for me :)